Life Skills
Life skills and more specifically life skills for kids can be taught before a child launches into adulthood. By intentionally teaching life skills we are helping to launch prepared young people into adulthood.
The first life skill I want to discuss is the life skill of conflict resolution.
Sibling fighting is a perfect place to practice this necessary life skill. When I was growing up my siblings and I had our fair share of conflict. We knew how to fight! But watch out anyone who hurt one of us. We learned how to fight but we also learned to forgive each other. We learned to resolve conflict and it led to a much closer relationship between siblings.
When I think of my brother to this day I am reminded of something that happened when we were still in grade school.
I remember the day on the school bus when I was getting picked on by a fellow passenger who was also a boy.
A. Big. Boy.
My brother was much smaller in stature than this other boy. That didn’t stop my amazing brother from defending me. They got into a scrap on the bus while the bus driver was driving. I don’t remember much about why that boy was picking on me. I also don’t remember much about the fight on the bus. What is permanently seared into my mind is my brother standing up for me. He was my defender that day. He has continued to be that for me when I have needed him. Our ability to forgive and love each other led to a good adult relationship.
The relationships your kids develop as they grow up will go with them into adulthood. During childhood, they learn how to fight and how to forgive and make up. It is important to teach kids that their sibling can be their best friend. This may not be a reality currently in your family but without a goal to reach for growth will never happen.
Conflict Resolution
Conflict is a part of life. How we deal with conflict is up to us.
Conflict can rip apart two people or it can bring them closer. The secret is to work through the conflict with the end result in mind. It is not about being right. It is about the relationship.
Conflict Resolution Strategies
Here are 5 conflict resolution strategies you can teach your kids to help them resolve sibling fighting.
- Respect
Respect the other person. When we yell, call names, and belittle the other person we are disrespecting them. Ask the question…are you respecting each other with your words? Let’s teach our kids to respect other people even when there is a conflict.
- Listening
Listening is a lost art…especially when tempers flare. We all want to be heard. Kids are no different. They want to know that the other person has heard them. Unfortunately when conflict occurs both parties want to be heard and listening to the other person is often at the bottom of the list of priorities.
Sometimes it is helpful to have a talking stick. Whoever has the talking stick gets to talk. The other person listens and must respond to what is said. Then the talking stick is passed to the next person and it is their turn to talk.
- Take a Moment
So often when conflict happens we react without thinking or allowing time to calm down. It can be very helpful to pause before speaking. If tempers are flaring each person can go to a separate room and calm down. This alone can help greatly in resolving the conflict.
- Forgive
Forgiveness is such a hard thing to learn. We often think if we hold onto the offense we can make the other person pay for what they did. It never works that way.
Matthew 6:14,15 says, For if you forgive men for their transgression, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men, then your Father will not forgive your transgression.
What a strong word about what happens when we choose to not forgive. It hurts our relationship with God and with others. Unforgiveness destroys relationships. This is why this is one of the most important things we need to teach our kids. The sibling relationship is a perfect place to learn this life-changing truth.
- Restoration
After a conflict, it is important to return to a positive place in the relationship. This can sometimes take a little bit of time but the sooner they return to a place of peace between them the better. A hug can go a long way. It can also be helpful to have them pray for each other. When we pray for someone it allows God to move in the situation.
Philippians 2:3,4 says, Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind let each of you regard one another as more important than himself; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.
Keep in mind the end goal… the restoration of the relationship.
Conflict is a part of life so conflict resolution is an important life skill to learn. Teach your child conflict resolution strategies to help them be successful adults.
For more on this topic grab a copy of my book, Intentional Motherhood, by clicking here.
For more parenting tips be sure to download my 3 Powerful Tips that Will Transform Your Mothering Overnight.
Bonus Material
