What is forgiveness and why is it important
Knowing how to forgive is something we all struggle with at some point in our lives. How to forgive someone else is one thing but often how to forgive yourself is a greater struggle. We need to teach our kids about forgiveness so that they launch into adulthood fully equipped to forgive others as well as themselves.
How many of us get stuck in adulthood over this issue? I know I have at different times in my life. I also know many adults who struggle to forgive their parents for the way they were raised. Many families are estranged because of a lack of forgiveness.
Being a parent is one of the toughest jobs ever! We will have successes and we will have failures. Let’s learn how to forgive ourselves as well as teach forgiveness with intention to our children.
How do we teach forgiveness? It is very difficult to teach something that you yourself don’t understand and actually live.
So let’s start with a definition of forgiveness. Forgiveness is the action of forgiving. According to the Merriam Webster dictionary to forgive means to cease to feel resentment against (an offender).
What is Forgiveness and why is it important
If we forgive someone we let go of the offense and don’t hold it against the other person. It gets sticky when the offense is very deep and our emotions don’t want to let go. We often think that if we forgive someone we are letting them off the hook. We want to make someone pay for what they did because of our deeply ingrained sense of justice. Unfortunately, withholding forgiveness doesn’t satisfy this need for justice. It actually caused internal destruction and ends in broken relationships and hearts.
We have covered what is forgiveness now let’s talk about why it is important. Forgiveness is actually about you, not the other person.
Unforgiveness is like gang green internally. Experts say that unforgiveness can cause us to become physically ill. Some even say that it can cause cancer. Dr. Dave Smuin calls it an internal cancer. Because our bodies are so interconnected this should come as no surprise.
There are many verses in the Bible that talk about forgiveness.
“If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins” (Matthew 6:14-15).
This should be reason enough to motivate us to forgive and to forgive quickly!
Unforgiveness also hinders our prayers.
“Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins” (Mark 11:24-25, NIV).
Our relationship with God will be adversely affected if we do not forgive.
How to Forgive someone
The question, how to forgive someone, has been asked a lot by a lot of people! It is a simple yet very complex issue.
The most important part of how to forgive someone is to make the choice to forgive. We have all been given the beautiful gift of free will. We must exercise that free will and choose to forgive. Without making the intentional choice to forgive a transgression of another we will never be able to forgive.
How to forgive yourself
This same thing can be applied when dealing with how to forgive yourself. This one is often much harder than forgiving others. When you are struggling with how to forgive yourself it is often much more personal and involves your internal issues.
It is important to note that forgiving yourself is possibly even more important than forgiving others. Being unforgiving of your own faults and mistakes is very destructive to you personally. All that internalized unforgiveness will turn into anger that is turned inward. Anger turned inward will only lead to destruction.
Teaching kids to forgive
We need to prepare our kids to forgive and to do so quickly because forgiveness is such a critical part of living. We do not want to launch our kids into adulthood without this critically important skill.
We can do this by modeling forgiveness.
Children need to see you forgiving others. Don’t hide all of your pain from them. Let them see you work through the process of forgiveness.
When issues arise, help your child see the need to choose forgiveness instead of holding onto the offense. Teach them to forgive and to bless others.
This will equip your kids to be healthy emotionally as well as physically.
Knowing how to forgive someone and how to forgive yourself is critically important to living a healthy life. Intentionally teach your children how to forgive and to forgive quickly. This will help prepare them to be an adult who doesn’t have the baggage of unforgiveness.
Click Here if you would like more parenting tips found in my free resource 3 Powerful Tips that will Transform Your Mothering Overnight. You can also check out my book, Intentional Motherhood.
